I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
