was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
