Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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