Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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