it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize