why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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