If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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