Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
