My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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