When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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