I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize