it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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