Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We're too hungover to prance.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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