help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
