And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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