drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
