Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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