Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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