You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
only if we run a train.
done.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
