She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
