I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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