I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
