I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
