i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
