im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
