Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
