I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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