the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
