looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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