I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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