I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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