Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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