I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
