You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
