Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
