my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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