I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
