Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
