I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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