I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
