Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Farmville is her only friend.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
