Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
