Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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