Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
