The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
