Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
