You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
