i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
