honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
