I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
