I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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