you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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