This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
