At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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