I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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