sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
