U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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