I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
