C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
