I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
