i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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