I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
